im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
