My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my sisters under your porch take her home
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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