apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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