I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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