Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did you pee in the oven last night??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
