You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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