My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
