i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
