shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
