This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
