Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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