omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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