either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You smell like stripper and shame
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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