i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
