So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
