I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
