I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
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