So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
