Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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