Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
