spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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