I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
