btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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