I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
