Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
