I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
