plz talk dirty to me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
