If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
