Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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