Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
