ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
