i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my being single is dangerous.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
