he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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