Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Rumble strips road head = magical
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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