You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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