we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
