for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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