There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
