Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
