Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize