a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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