i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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