I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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