Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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