Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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