Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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