All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
