aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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