No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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