I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
