I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
