are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
