You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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