I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
