my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
