every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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