A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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