im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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