in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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